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  • Melissa McLane

10- Different Paradigms to Consider


All Behavior And Experience Has A Positive Intention Your Challenges Are Your Greatest Gifts - Your challenges provide a solution to other people with the same or similar problem. We look at them as problems, but we are looking at them the wrong way. They are actually gifts. They are the things that will allow us to experience miracles in our life and help others experience miracles in their lives.


There’s No Such Thing As Failure, Only Feedback - There is no such thing as failure, only experience. Experience is feedback, and feedback is what enables us to adjust our behavior in the direction of success.


All information that comes to us can be utilized. Behavior always gets results of some kind. Experience provides the opportunity for gaining wisdom! If is only when we label and judge personal experience --- rather than understand and use it, that we short-circuit the opportunity to learn. Feedback is what enables us to adjust our behavior in the direction of success. We only fail when we stop trying!


Everyone Is Winning The Game They Are Playing - People work perfectly to produce the results they’re getting. No one is broken! And this is going to through some of you for a loop, but here goes… There is no such thing as self-sabotage.


If we are playing the game of self-sabotage… getting distracted by perfectionism, our busy lives, etc. we are winning the game of being distracted. If I keep telling myself ‘‘I don’t belong here’’, then I’m going to be focused on any and all evidence that proves that to me… that might be misplacing the call-in information or convincing yourself that the question you have isn’t valuable or that other people are more special, they are making friends, getting ahead and you’re somehow on the outside looking in.


What someone is experiencing is what they want to be experiencing. The bottom line is that we make the best choices available given our resources/environment/ conditioning at the time. Healing, growth and success are not a question of getting rid of behaviors but rather a question of acquiring more behavioral choices.


The More Flexible You Are (Versus Rigid) The More You Have The Ability To Determine The Quality Of Your Experience At Any Point In Time - Flexibility refers to choice. Rigidity refers to no choice. No choice means compulsive or automatic behavior. Having choice in any context gives us the freedom to respond in useful and satisfying ways.


Anyone Can Learn To Do Anything - If one person can do something, it is possible to model it and teach it to anyone else. Anything can be accomplished by anyone if it is broken down into small enough chunks.


In Order To Grow, You Have To Let Go Of The Thing You Are Attached To That’s Stopping You - For things to change you have to change. You have to let go of all the ‘‘if’s’’ and ‘‘but’s.’’ The ‘‘if’s’’ and ‘‘but’s’’ keep you where you are.


You may have to let go of shame, blame, doubt, guilt, limited perception, and resentment… whatever keeps you stuck. We always have to let go of something to get to the next stage of our evolution.


The Meaning Someone Makes About What Happened Is More Meaningful Than The Content Of What Happened - So it’s not about what happened to you --- although this can be useful… it’s really about what meaning you made about what happened to you.


‘‘How’’ Is More Useful Than ‘‘Why?’’ - Asking ‘‘how?’’ is useful in that it naturally leads to breaking a process down into manageable chunks.


Asking ‘‘why?’’ usually prompts rationalization, excuses, stories, and/or blame for the way things are. We can’t heal and change if we’re stuck in the why. Blame, shame, victim-hood, fear… these mind states override our ability to let go which is a key part of transformational process.


Provided by Health Coach Institute



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